Tools For Hostility Management


Anger is a normal feeling and may arise as a result of conflicting thoughts. Hostility is a possible reaction to the anger. Hostile reactions lead to hurting ourselves and others. Anger and other feelings are emotional reactions to our thoughts. We have choice as to what we do with the reactions. If you pause before reacting, this gives your mind more time to think of more choices to your reaction to the emotion.

Your body has a physical response to your emotions too. This physical response influences your reaction. If your automatic physical response to anger is clenching your fist, the next action can be to hit someone or something. You can still play a major part in the outcome.

There are a combination of factors that effect hostile or a productive actions.

Slow down your reaction and choose a productive response. Even in battle, too quick reactions lead to missing targets or friendly fire casualties. When you walk away and gather your thoughts together before reacting, the physical responses will begin to subside, and you can make a more productive action. After pausing your reaction, you may conclude that no further response is necessary. Now you have prevented the hurts from hostile acts.

Important thing to remember is if you walk away from a discussion that may lead to a hostile action, inform the other person that you need to take a break from the discussion and try to estimate about how long your processing time will take so you may come back to resolve the conflict. This helps you and the other person feel that there will be a productive closure to the discussion at a later time. It is suggested that you discuss this method with the other party as a general way you both will cope with potential emotional discussions.

More to follow.


DV Awareness: Verval Abuse


Old abusive habits of interacting are changeable.

Originally posted on The Abuse Expose' with Secret Angel:

For October’s Domestic Violence Awareness Month, I want to continue to talk about different aspects of abuse and it’s effects. Many adults live with the effects of the negative words spoken against them from their childhood. Words tear down and cause hidden wounds that we don’t see but they affect our future decisions and relationships.  I pray that more will realize the Power of the Spoken Word and begin to speak positive to all.

It’s easier to build up a child…
than an adult be repaired.
Cause verbal abuse hurts…
with many not being spared.

View original 166 more words


Anger Management Step 2

       Now that you have a list of things, situations, people, and ideas that stimulate an anger type of response, you are ready to extinct the response. Extinct is a term used in the behavioral learning theory model of psychology. I simply means eliminating the response to some stimulus. In regards to anger, the stimuli are the things, situations, people, and ideas that arouse the anger type of response. (For more in depth explanation of the theory go to link)    http://psychology.about.com/od/classicalconditioning/a/pavlovs-dogs.htm

       This second step is to begin eliminating the connection we have with things, situations, people, and ideas so those things become unrelated to the anger response in our mind. When we see things, situations, people, and ideas that we like, our mind is stimulated with happy thoughts and reactions. Such as seeing a person we love. Conversely, seeing someone we feel offended by, will stimulate bad feelings. Sounds like a simple theory right?!!

       Now, look through your list, should have at least 10 anger arousing stimuli, prioritize the items from 1-10. 1 being the highest arousing stimuli to 10 being the least. See example below:

              1. Someone accuses me falsely of something.

              2. I get cut off while driving.

              3. My friends laugh at me.

              4. I lose my keys.

              5. I speak and the other person doesn’t listen.

              6. Someone disagrees with me.

              7. Another person speaks as if angry with me.

              8. Other people gossip about or judge me.

              9. The line is moving too slow in the store.

              10. The barking dog wakes me up at night.

  After you have prioritized your list, write a sentence for each one with an explanation of your reason you feel the item arouses anger.

                               Example: 10-I get angry because the barking makes me lose sleep.

       Continue to add to your list throughout the next week. On 8/17/2014, we will continue. You may email comments or questions about these exercises to recoverguide@yahoo.com